Hi! I’m starting this blog from inside my hammock on Sunday morning. I can feel the sun through the clouds and the slight breeze cool my body through the hammock. I washed my sheets and my favorite lounge pants this morning and now they’re drying. Hopefully it doesn’t take too long since it’s not raining. The birds are chirping, Mango’s digging in the dirt, I can hear my neighbors talking while they prepare lunch for when their families return from church, I’m quietly listening to Maggie Rogers. It’s a good Sunday morning 🙂
Funny enough, I have the best signal at my house in the exact spot that I hung my hammock up at. So for the past week, when it’s not raining, I’ve been coming out here to relax and catch up on social media and youtube and whatever else. I feel better about doing it outside than in my bed so that’s a plus!
A lot of the influencers and YouTubers I follow and even friends from home and school and here (and even me) are guilty of saying the phrase “I need to get my life together” or “today I’m going to get my life together.” I never really thought much about hearing it or saying it until this morning.
What does that really mean? What implications does it have? How does that phrase affect us and others?
I typically say this phrase sarcastically, like when I’m hungover or spent the whole day watching netflix. Sometimes I say it internally when I feel down on myself, like when I feel unsuccessful or unproductive or I think I made a bad decision. Sometimes I say it when my life physically feels like a mess, like if I haven’t put my clothes away or my house is just generally untidy. Maybe I’ll say it if I have a long internal or external to do list and I haven’t completed any of it.
So let’s say any of these things mentioned happen, and then I tell myself or my friends “I need to get my life together.” I’m trying to break down the implication of this.
For some reason when I saw someone else post this on social media this morning, it rubbed me the wrong way.
Maybe it’s because by saying this, that means I’m possibly placing my entire life’s worth into one thing that isn’t going well. I’m sure some of you are rolling your eyes. It definitely doesn’t have to be this deep, sis. But to some it might be this deep. It might send them down a spiral of self doubt and always feeling like small things that go wrong can make their life feel like it’s not together, essentially that it’s falling apart. Or worse, that it has fallen apart.
Is my life together just because I have a clean house? No. So that means that having a messy house doesn’t mean my life is falling apart.
I’d like to replace this phrase with something a little more light hearted. Maybe “wow this is messy” or “i need to get out of this slump.” In reality, it’s something that I’ve said so casually all throughout college up to now that it’ll probably slip out and that’s fine, but I’m glad that I’ve thought about it.
My life is together. There are days where I don’t always complete my tasks or make my bed or I drink too much cheap alcohol and get hungover, but my life is still together. It’s good to clean up and have days where I feel particularly productive, but those days don’t prevent my life from falling apart either. Few things are capable of making my life feel like it is truly falling apart. I’d say those things are the loss of a very close loved one or a major injury (like when I tore my ACL and was on crutches for 6 months).
So in the end, I’m definitely not judging you if you say this phrase, considering most people say it semi-sarcastically or in a positive way (like they are proud that they are going to make some changes and be productive). I will probably still say it from time to time. But I’m glad I sat with this feeling of being uncomfortable with a common phrase and figured out why. It helped remind myself that my life is together and whole even when pieces of the puzzle might be temporarily damaged or lost.
Thanks for coming to today’s overly introspective hammock thoughts with Arielle. Talk soon. xoxo
hi happy valentine’s day! i wanted to hop on and share some things i love to love. they’re in no particular order and it’s not exhaustive, just what popped into my mind in this moment.
1. unrushed mornings
i looove when i have enough time in the morning to exercise, do a face mask, tidy up my house, cook, play with my dog, and sip my tea while scrolling through my phone or listening to a podcast
2. going on walks with no destination
i love walking to walk, not to get somewhere. it’s a good time to notice my surroundings without being preoccupied with what’s happening next when i arrive at my destination. it’s a good time to sort through my thoughts or think of new ones. it’s a good time to listen to music and say hello to new faces.
3. snacks
i’ve been more mindful about snacking out of boredom, but if hot cheetos are involved that’s not boredom. that’s pure joy and something to look forward to, especially here where i can’t buy them. hot cheetos, goldfish, salty chips, popcorn, seaweed, sesame sticks, trail mix… 🤤
4. online shopping
i can’t tell you how many times i’ve spent an hour browsing a clothing store online, putting a bunch of my things in my cart (normally from the sale section exclusively), narrowing it down to my favorites and applying all the coupon codes, and then exiting out of the window. i can’t explain it but i’m not gonna stop it either. i love fashion and trends and i think it’s a fun way to feel in the loop. it’s almost a game sometimes to see how many things i could order for the least amount of money lol. anyone with me??
5. listening to an album from start to finish
i have tons of playlists on my spotify, but i love to put on one of my downloaded albums and playing it in its entirety in the order that the artist wanted their listeners to hear it. it kind of paints a picture or tells a story about what the artist wanted to get across with their album, rather than just shuffling through in a random order. right now i’m listening to Ariana Grande’s thank you next album and it really goes through the rollercoaster that is a breakup.
6. catching up with people from home
even if it’s just through snapchat or instagram. i love to stay in the loop in my friends lives and i just can’t wait to see them again 💛💛 but when my service permits it’s always a great day when i can hop on the phone with my friends and we can update each other on our lives and what we’re up to.
7. cooking a really elaborate meal
i love spending a ton of time making a meal (if my schedule permits it of course). but the whole process of looking up / creating a recipe, prepping the food, cooking, plating, taking pics for insta (lol) and eating just makes me so happy. especially when it’s something i’ve never made before and it turns out good. or when i use ingredients i’m unfamiliar with. oooh it’s even more satisfying when i pick some of the vegetables from my garden (currently have pumpkin leaves and green beans!)
8. rewatching a tv series
in particular, friends, himym, new girl, sex and the city. could rewatch those a million times and not get tired of it. i feel like i notice new things each time i watch it / relate to different things in the show because of the stage in life i’m in
9. doing something thoughtful for someone i care about
whether it’s sending them a birthday card, making them food, going out of my way to do them a favor, or something else, it feels really good to appreciate the special people in my life and remind them that i love them
10. my family OF COURSE
i have the worlds best parents and sister. they made me who am i today, have supported me through good and bad decisions, and make me laugh harder than anyone else. i cannot wait for them them to come to zambia to visit me and see what my life is like here 🥰
11. getting dressed up to go out to a bar or an event
i love doing the full hair, makeup, outfit shebang. it’s definitely very simplified here (doing my hair means brushing it and putting it in a high pony, “full makeup” means mascara, outfit means sandals with jeans and a tank top), but it’s still fun for me to put effort into my appearance every once in a while
12. looking through old pictures
i do this a lot on snapchat and instagram. some things are upsetting to see, but for the most part it’s sooo lovely to reflect on old memories via pictures. the snapchat ones are definitely the most real and raw (and funny)
13. dogs
literally any shape or size or age or breed or gender ugh i love them all and want to cuddle each and every one of them. missing my doggies back home but so grateful and in love with mango (even though he’s crazy 90% of the time)
14. traveling
i’m so so so privileged that i’ve been able to travel as much as i have in my life. there’s something so enchanting about going to a new place and exploring a new culture and all the things that that place has to offer. i’ll be traveling to mozambique in march in a few weeks and i can not wait!!
i’m gonna end it at 14 things that i love to love. there are many more, but 14 seems fitting considering the date. wishing all my gals and pals a very happy valentine’s day! don’t forget to give yourself some love today and remind yourself that you are deserving of love and happiness.
February 1st almost feels like New Years Day all over again. I’ve been reflecting a lot today about the past month and what I want to continue and change for the coming month. I’m shocked that January is already done. I remember several PCVs saying “the weeks are slow but the months go by so fast” and that couldn’t be more accurate. There are some weeks where I think it’s Friday on Tuesday, but now it feels like January was maybe one week long and that’s kinda frightening. I really want to savor these experiences because before I know it, I’ll be moving on to the next chapter in my life (can you tell I’m in my feelings right now??!?!?).
This January, I set some goals for myself. I added to this list throughout the month as I thought of them. Some of them were very specific and actionable, others were more abstract. I met some of my goals, and didn’t meet others. Some things I’ll be continuing to work on in the next month, some I’ll leave in January, and I’ll continue to set new goals and intentions.
Here was my running list of my January goals:
-drink 3 or more hydroflasks full of water each day (63 ounces+)
-workout 5 days per week
-count my macros 5-6 days per week (50% carbs, 30-35% protein, 15-20% fat)
-wash face 2 times a day
-only cook with oil 1 meal per day
-go on a long bike ride once per week for fun
-read and/or journal for 20 minutes per day
-swap coffee for green tea a few days per week
-drink apple cider vinegar and/or lemon juice water every day
-write down what you’re grateful for each night
-light candles at night before bed instead of using bright solar lights
-listen to guided meditations
-listen to more podcasts instead of youtube videos
-use less data
-go to the clinic more often, not just when there are meetings/events
-talk to your neighbors more often
-don’t let dishes or laundry pile up
-clean up before bed
-find work to do even when there is nothing planned
-listen to what your body and mind need
-treat yourself often
-be kind to yourself
Here’s how I did:
Most days, I drank a lot of water, but there were definitely some where I didn’t. Maybe I was too lazy to go through the process of getting the water, boiling it, then waiting for it to cool, then chlorinating, then waiting for the chlorine to settle, then filtering, and waiting for the water to go through the filter… or maybe I was just busy and forgot. But I did make an effort, and the days that I hit or surpassed my water goal, I felt a difference. My skin felt good and I had more energy. Downside is having to go pee more often, which is slightly more inconvenient here lol.
I hit my workout goal! I found some fun YouTube videos to exercise at home (even in my bed! imagine that) and started jump roping and hula hooping outside. I feel stronger and healthier 🙂
The macros goal is gonna be one I leave in January. I’m gonna try to continue to track my food to see which nutrients I am lacking in my diet, but I’m not gonna hold myself to any sort of diet. I found that some days I would find that I was lacking in protein by the end of the day so I would just eat like a bowl full of soya for dinner and that was it. That’s just not satisfying to me in the slightest and doesn’t seem healthy. I am definitely going to continue making healthier choices, but reward myself with chocolate cake whenever I feel like it (and whenever I have cocoa powder) and have balanced meals for every meal.
I was better with my skincare routine! I had some really bad break outs this month that I think were due to exercising more (more sweat clogging my pores), adjusting to a new birth control, changing up my diet (even though it was for the better, I think my skin freaked out a little), and idk just because!! I have struggled with acne since I was like 10 years old and its definitely doing better now that I don’t wear any makeup, but it has its good and bad days. I’m hoping to get some better skin care products in Lusaka when I’m there in March, but for now we’re working with what we’ve got! I’ve found that washing my skin twice a day has become a very therapeutic part of my day and its a nice routine to get into.
I definitely cut down on my oil consumption in January and want to continue to do that! Maybe not only use it for 1 meal per day every day, but whenever it is possible. I found that I could cook most vegetables in some simmering water and they tasted just as delicious. I also hardboiled and poached eggs instead of frying or scrambling them more often which was a nice and yummy change.
I didn’t do the bike ride for fun every week, but I did ride my bike more often to get around my community (to the clinic or my counterparts’ homes). Before I preferred walking, but now that it is raining so much, biking is definitely the way to go. I did take two long bike rides around my catchment area and it was really great to get to wave and greet so many new faces and let them know that I’m there new volunteer. Some of them I had met during the polio campaign in December and they remembered my name 🙂
view from my bike ride in an outreach zone
I started reading my first book during Peace Corps!! I was definitely late to the train. I haven’t read for fun since middle school and I hope I get back into it! I’m currently reading The Handmaid’s Tale and it’s incredible. I haven’t read every day, just when I’m waiting for a meeting to start at the clinic. I want to continue this in February and try to make it a habit to read daily. I’ve also been writing in my personal journal when something worth writing comes up. I have a separate gratitude journal that my mom sent me in a care package that I try to write in each night with just a few things I was grateful for that day.
I’ve been drinking more green tea and I’m going to continue it. On some rainy mornings, coffee is the go to, but if I’m on the go all day I’ll be drinking green tea. I’ve been adding lemon juice, apple cider vinegar, and honey to my green tea and I think it’s been good for my digestion!
I’ve been doing the candles thing almost every night and some mornings. It puts me in such a good, relaxed mood. Ugh I love it!!
I have started doing some guided meditations, but definitely not every day. I’d like to try to get in a habit of doing one every day, either morning or night, or maybe both! The days that I do it, I feel more relaxed and more in control of my emotions and feelings. If you haven’t tried this yet, search up some on youtube or spotify and try it out! Even just 5 or 10 minutes makes me feel so relaxed and refreshed and centered.
I’ve been listening to lotsssss of podcasts this month. Please leave your recommendations below!! I mostly just listen to my favorite youtubers right now (uses less data than watching their videos), but I’ve also been loving Girls Gotta Eat, Hidden Brain, and Ordinary Equality (a new one).
The data…. I just simply haven’t used any less lol. If anything I’ve used more. My signal at my site has gotten worse since arriving (imagine) and now I can only seem to make Facebook calls instead of whatsapp calls (which use much less data), so that’s been eating up quite a bit, as well as adding the podcasts, watching the youtube videos to workout, doing a lot of research online for my clinic, etc etc etc. Unless money starts to get tight, I’m going to give myself grace on this one. The data comes along with things that make me happy, so I think it’s worth it. (If you want to send me money for data though, feel free to use mobilerecharge.com hehe)
I went to the clinic about 4 days per week instead of the 3 before, so that was an improvement! We only have meetings 3 days a week, so I decided to go an extra day just to chat with the workers and show my face. I’ve helped them with a few tasks like making things in excel on my laptop and looking over their data collection, so that’s been fulfilling for me. I’m also becoming really great friends with my nurse friend, who is now the in-charge at the clinic (you go girl). She’s the best 🙂
me and my puppy waiting for a meeting to start at the clinic
I’ve been going out of my way to say hello to my neighbors. Before I would just kinda wait for them to come say hi to me. I think they appreciate the gesture.
I’m super proud of myself for doing my laundry and dishes more often!! It’s definitely less convenient to wash clothes during rainy season since it takes about 3 days for anything to dry, but that makes it more necessary for me to really stay on top of it or else I’m gonna be naked for 3 days lol. Last month, the kids were helping me a lot with my dishes, so I would kind of let them pile up until they would come to do them. I decided this month to just do them as I make them (unless I’m on the go) and it’s been kind of therapeutic to do them. It’s helpful that I have so much water from the rain. If I had to go to the borehole to get water every time, I probably would let them pile up again lol.
There’s nothing quite like falling asleep with candles burning, having clean skin, and knowing that your house isn’t a mess. I’m so glad I added cleaning up before bed to my goals. I’ve never been the tidiest person, but this has been great.
In my free time this month, I started to write things to hang up in the clinic. So far, I’ve written up all the common STIs, tips on how to live positively with HIV, a nutrition guideline, and I’m starting to write up information about malaria. The staff is super thankful that I’m doing this, and they’re going to do their part and work on translating the information into Bemba and incorporating it into their health talks. It was really fun for me to do, because I got to kind of treat it like an arts and crafts project. I got to do some fun drawings and practice my lettering and use different colored markers.
The “listen to what your body and mind need” goal was written down once I realized the macro diet wasn’t really working out for me. Just because my macros said I needed more protein, my body wanted mashed potatoes. So I had mashed potatoes. I’m going to keep this goal for the rest of the year, and probably the rest of my life. If I needed a break from the screaming kids outside my house, I would go inside and play some music in my headphones. If I was feeling hungry while at the clinic, I’d go home early and make some food. I’m just wanting to listen to my body cues more in 2020. My body is a good body and it’s so smart that it tells me exactly what it wants, so I should listen to it!!
Treated myself to lots of chocolate cake in January hehe. Once I learned how to make it without an oven, it was a game changer. I also treated myself to lots of phone calls with my family and Connor. I treated myself to time with and for myself, by practicing mindfulness and doing things that make me happy, like exercising and cooking and playing with my puppy.
here’s my best achievement so far: a moist, fluffy, delicious chocolate cake made on a charcoal brazier! here’s my cute puppy taking a break on our walk to the clinic
I am going to continue to be kind to myself and give myself grace in February and for the rest of 2020. I didn’t beat myself up if I didn’t complete my goals for the day/week/month. I tried my best and figured out what works for me. It’s all trial and error. Goals and intentions may change, but the love I have for myself shouldn’t. I’m going to go into this February with a heart full of love to give, a body full of strength, and a mind full of wonder and curiosity. I’m going to keep learning and keep working on myself and for myself, as well as for my community.
I saw a quote on someone’s Instagram story the other day that got me thinking. It said “I’m so thankful I didn’t end up with what I thought I wanted.”
It got me thinking about something that was on my mind a lot in 2019. Things along the line of a divine plan / “what’s meant to be will be” and whatnot. I don’t know if I believe in a plan. I think instead that whatever life throws our way, we figure out how to tackle it because of our personality types, what we value, and our interests. I don’t know if I entirely believe that a higher power wants me to tackle certain challenges and that this is the way my life was supposed to be the minute I was born or conceived. I just don’t know, and it’s okay not to know. I’m figuring out what I think.
Imagine this: the minute we’re born, we begin building our personalities, values, and interests based on our biological makeup and our environment (that good good nature vs nurture business— team nature and nurture!!). I think I have built myself a personality, some values, and interests that align with wanting to make the best out of whatever my current situation is. My personality is I’d say 70/30 optimistic/pessimistic. I value hard work and being independent. I’m interested in so many things (career, education, friends, family, etc) that I’d say all fall under two umbrellas: self-development and pleasing/helping others. I would like to say that I’m good at forward thinking and coming up with a plan for myself to attain certain goals that I want in my life. I don’t know if these future goals were set out for me by some sort of higher power. I think I have control of my goals, and they can change by the day, week, month, or year. And when they change, I change my method of attaining the new goal. Ya feel?
This quote that I found when I was scrolling through Instagram (and using up data that I shouldn’t be using) brings up many sub topics. Today I want to talk about self-evaluation.
So if y’all knew me between October 2010 and March 2019, you’d know that I was in a relationship with a boy. We were together for 8 and a half years (basically a third of my life) from 8th grade in middle school to senior year of college.
Think about yourself when you were in the 8th grade. If you were anything like me, you were probably very self-unaware. It’s the awkward puberty years. You have acne (I still have acne lol), you’re self-conscious, and you don’t know who you are or who you’re going to be. Think about how transformative your high school years were, good and bad. You start to grow into your body, but more importantly your mind. I started to hone in on some of my interests and couldn’t stop thinking about my life post-high school. What I would do with myself in the future. I loved (and still love) thinking about the future. Back then it was much more simple and less scary than it can be now, but nonetheless, I still do this. Then in college, or post-high school if you didn’t go to college, you start to further develop yourself and your interests. I started taking classes that I wanted to take (for the most part). I made friends from clubs and organizations and classes with people who thought more similarly to me and had more similar interests to me than some from high school. I continued to think and plan and dream for the future.
What stayed constant from October 2010 to March 2019 was him. In a sense, these years of mine revolved around him. Maybe not from the start, but certainly when the relationship got serious, he was always in my thoughts about the future. Especially in college. I thought we would be together, well, forever. Get married, have kids, buy a house, the whole thing. But he broke up with me. Things changed. He changed. I changed. The relationship changed.
I so badly wanted to end up with my middle school sweetheart. What we had was good for so long, until it wasn’t. I wanted to live in a life of simplicity and happiness and love.
And I still want that. Luckily, I have grown to know and believe that I can live that life with or without him. With or without any partner, really. My plan changed. And I changed with it.
I truly don’t know that if January 2019 Arielle was face-to-face with January 2020 Arielle that they would recognize each other. My personality, values, and interests are the same (for the most part), but I have grown so much more inner and outer confidence over the past year. Before I was “Girlfriend Arielle” and now I’m “Just Arielle.” I have to say, “Just Arielle” is pretty amazing. “Girlfriend Arielle” probably would have said that, but wouldn’t have actually believed it.
It’s been 10 months now of being “single.” I think that term is just so silly. We are always single. We might have a relationship with someone, but we are our own person, always. Maybe you think that you “share half of your heart with someone else” or your significant other is “your everything”, but I really want you to consider rethinking that. I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts (“Happy Hour” by Gretchen Geraghty, one of my favorite YouTubers), and she said something really amazing that perfectly aligns with this thought: “You need to be 100% on your own, and the boy or girl needs to be 100% on their own, and together you’re going to be 200%. They’re not going to complete you, they’re not going to be your other half, you’re not gonna be 50/50 because you can’t have a void in yourself that somebody else is filling up. No one else can fill that up. Maybe they can momentarily, and they can distract you and make you feel better, but inside you’re still going to be empty. That 50% is going to be empty because you need to fill it up on your own and work on yourself, whatever that may be.” Wow. That hit me. And then to quote the incredible Ru Paul: “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else. Can I get an amen??”
You need to love yourself, in your singularity, before you can form a bond with someone else. I think that’s something I really struggled with. Did anyone really love themselves in the 8th grade?? Let me know in the comments below lol. I think you can enjoy having two hearts together rather than sharing half of yours with someone else. You can be in love and share your time and energy and resources with someone else, but don’t let them be “your everything.” YOU are everything. If you don’t believe that yet, take some time to develop your love for yourself. And forgive yourself if it takes time. It’s a hard thing to do. Maybe make it your 2020 resolution if you’re into those kinda things.
So, to continue, it’s been almost 10 months since being out of a relationship. The past 10 months I’ve been on a path to accepting myself as an individual rather than a partner, something I thought of myself as for a third of my life.
A week before the break-up, I was invited to join the Peace Corps, and a few days later, I accepted my offer. Since then, and before moving to Zambia, I spent a ton of time with my kick-ass friends, graduated from my dream school, went on several spontaneous trips to Vegas, went on an amazing family vacation to Hawaii, went to two music festivals, and even met a man who makes me smile and laugh a whole lot. I’m so glad I’ve met him and get to talk with him on the phone practically every day now that I’m here in Zambia. 🙂
These 10 months have really helped me learn to love myself for myself and all of my flaws. I do things now because I want to do them. It’s so liberating to be young and low-key selfish. It’s fun to have a crush on a new boy. Maybe we will officially start a relationship in the future. I’m really glad that I’m focusing on myself and my goals and my dreams right now. I think if I have a relationship later, it will be very fulfilling and healthy because of this time I have by myself.
I think we’re all on a never ending path of growth and accepting ourselves in our rawest form. We put up these walls to prove how strong we are, but we’re all struggling with something. We all have baggage, and that’s okay. But working through these things is what makes us resilient. It’s what makes us become the best person we can be. “I’m so thankful I didn’t end up with what I thought I wanted” because what I wanted was not to be my full potential. I wanted to be half of a heart. I think I’m on my way to my full potential now that I’ve had some time to be on my own. (I don’t think I could get more alone too living in a rural village in Zambia in my own house.)
There are definitely going to be highs and lows during my time in Zambia and the future. But what I wish January 2020 Arielle could teach January 2019 Arielle is that I am able to tackle challenges, twists, and turns to “the plan” on my own. I am confident that I can do that now, or at least try my best to tackle them.
One last thing I want to talk about (sorry I know this is way long, but again, it’s my journal so..) on this topic of self-evaluation is something that I am trying to work on. I wouldn’t say that I’m a controlling person in the typical sense. I think I’m really good at compromising in a group setting. I do, however, try to control my future plans. For example, for the longest time, I’ve wanted to become a psychiatrist in the future. Since then, I have done a lot to build up my resume in order to attain this goal. I chose my major because of this, did certain jobs and volunteer work because of this, etc.
I sent this to my dear god sister the other day: “I struggle a lot with wanting to control every situation that comes my way. But sometimes you just have to wait out a shit storm and take a step back and be like ‘whatever is going to happen will happen and I can do my best to try to make it turn out the way I want but sometimes it won’t and that’s okay because I can’t control how other people will handle this situation.’ You will be able to bounce back even if things don’t go the best way. The only thing you can handle is the way you react, not how others impact the situation.”
I am trying to take my own advice. Things are gonna happen in life. I am going to continue thinking about the future and constructing a perfect plan, at least something that I think is perfect at that moment. But things are gonna change in that plan, some in my control, some outside my control. And I will choose how I can react to that situation. If it turns out well, awesome. If not, I’ll adapt.
So maybe I won’t become a psychiatrist in the future. Maybe something will happen during my time in Zambia that will make me want to pursue a different path. Maybe not. This idea of not knowing or obsessing over a perfect plan is so foreign to me, but I’m starting to love it.
I’m sure a year from now I will probably have a new ““I’m so thankful I didn’t end up with what I thought I wanted” situation. Because we change and that’s what makes us so unbelievably human.
Maybe you believe in a divine plan. Maybe all of this was in the cards for me from the start, or maybe I am control of where I’m at in my life right now. Whatever it may be, it is what it is, and I’m enjoying the ride. And now, I’m in the driver’s seat, not the passenger’s.
I haven’t written in my blog for a while. I have been keeping track of my thoughts and experiences via a private, handwritten journal, pictures, videos, and just checking in with myself for 5 minutes before falling asleep most nights. I will probably write a blog post to catch you up on what I’ve been up to soon, but I realized that I’ve been putting off writing for so long because I just simply do not enjoy writing summaries. I’d rather write about experiences, feelings, and more abstract topics than simply telling you I did this, then this, then this… It’s just not exciting to me. But I’ve been keeping track of some topics I want to touch on in my phone’s “notes” app, so expect some more consistent blogs (hopefully) in the weeks and months to come.
Currently, I am sitting in my bed. It is 8:25 am. I’m shuffling through my “Mellow Morning Music” playlist on Spotify. Hozier is playing right now. My phone is in the other room, so I’m not tempted to look at it. (After I wrote this post, I took it out to take some pics of my surroundings so you could see what I’m talking about. And I needed it to use as a hotspot to upload this!) I hear it ding from notifications and I ignore them. I’m drinking coffee that I made with my french press. It’s a light roast, and I added powdered creamer and sugar. Candles and the morning light are the only things lighting up my room, and it’s just dimly lit. Just enough for me to read my notebook. My laptop brightness is turned way down. It’s on the 3rd lowest setting out of 16 notches. It’s too early to turn on my solar lights. They’re too bright and white for my mood right now. How funny is that… My mood is so greatly affected by my surroundings, so I try to make my environment a pleasant space. The color that candles give off is just so calming. They are illuminating the pictures that I put on my wall a few days ago. It’s just barely raining outside. Birds are chirping. I have some lavender incense burning. My puppy is snoring. There are no children screaming my name outside just yet. No “Ba Arielle, I’m hungry! Ba Arielle, peleniko puzzles!” (give me puzzles). I am at peace right now. This is me time. I like Saturdays.
mango woke up when i was done writing this blog post and went full crazy teething mode so i tried to occupy him with my sock so i could take this picturemy bedside table / dresser (don’t mind the mess!) with my candles inside empty wine bottles
I’ve been living in my permanent village for about 2 months now. I live in my own house. Never did I ever think I would be living in my own house at the age of 22… It’s tiny, but I’m tiny, and it’s just enough space for me (and my tiny puppy). I have had him for 6 days now. He’s about 6 weeks old. I named him Mango because I got him during mango season and he loves to eat mangoes. He’s my little man(go) hehe. I like to call him “umwana wandi” (my baby) and people think it is hysterical. But after two months of settling in and figuring out how to take care of myself in the village, I was ready to take care of something else. I forgive him for pooping in my house and biting my hair in the morning (he’s teething like crazy). In return he gives me cuddles and love and companionship. Thanks buddy 🙂
Three days ago, I had quite the interesting moment, and I wrote it down in my notebook. This moment made me want to write in my blog again.
It was a complete stream of consciousness. I just wrote and wrote. Hardly picked up my pen. Definitely didn’t look over the line I had just written before writing the next. There are probably grammatical errors and whatnot, but I thought it was a nice glimpse into a small aspect of my new life here and my thoughts.
Journal Wednesday 08/01/20:
“Sitting at the clinic during a family planning meeting. There are 13 women. 6 babies. 2 nurses. 1 EHT (environmental health technician). 1 SMAG (Safe Motherhood Action Group) member. Me, a PCV, and my puppy, Mango. It is pouring rain. An absolute storm. Thunder and lightning. No electricity in this room, so we are sitting in darkness. The babies are crying. We’ve been inside for an hour and there’s no sign of the rain ending anytime soon. My puppy is deep asleep on my lap. He is making me sweat from his body heat, but he’s so comforting. If he wasn’t here, I’d be pretty bored. It’s 16:08, dark, rainy, and my eyes are struggling to stay open. I have a few Everyone around me is speaking Bemba and it’s so easy to tune out since I don’t understand 90% of it.
I have a few things on my mind.
1. My bike is outside under a tree. It’s probably been knocked to the ground by the wind. I wonder where my helmet has blown away to. It’s probably soaked.
2. These women probably think I am crazy for having this puppy on my lap. He is my child, but I’m surrounded by literal mothers lol.
3. I’m just waiting for my puppy to pee on me. It’s been a while since he’s gone.
4. I told the kids we could watch a movie tonight, but I just simply don’t know when I’m going to get home because of the rain. I feel like we might have to push this off until tomorrow.
5. I want a HOT bucket bath tonight. Maybe some soup. Would love garlic bread but that’s just not going to happen. I could make a garlic tortilla lol. Or garlic fries…
The sky is grey. The rain sounds like someone is dumping millions of nails on the roof. Babies are crying and I don’t understand what people are saying.
But I am HAPPY. While this sounds chaotic, it’s such beautiful chaos. I am teaching all these women about my weird American culture by having Mango on my lap. Babies come up and smile at me and him. I am surrounded by women who have walked up to 13 km to come to the clinic to receive birth control aka take control of their sexual health and family plans. People know my name. While I may be stuck here because of the rain, I don’t have anything else to do. Now I am forced to sit with my thoughts.
I am so grateful for this rain. It means my communities’ crops will grow and they will be able to feed their families and sell the remainders to make their income. The sandy path to my home from the clinic will be packed down, giving me and many others a smoother ride. Those who are home can leave their buckets outside so they do not need to travel to get water from the borehole.
The rain is a blessing.
This life is a blessing.”
Just after I stopped writing, my friend Margaret, who is one of the two nurses at the clinic (soon to be the only one), came over and sat next to me. She wanted to hold Mango. Margaret is my age and from a very urban part of Zambia known as the Copperbelt. Her views and thoughts are pretty similar to mine and quite different from a lot of Zambians who live in the village. I’m so glad I’ve befriended her. It’s nice to have someone who can relate to me in so many ways in the village. We’re both 22, just finished school, just started our first real job (she got here in September, I got here in November), and moved away from our friends and family in a big city to live in a village. How cool is that!
We chatted and shared things about our personal lives. There’s a lot we don’t know about each other yet. For a second, it felt like I was talking to an old friend, sitting on a couch in a cute coffee shop in cozy clothes. But then I looked around and remembered where I was (sitting on a hard bench in a dark room at a clinic wearing business casual clothing surrounded by mothers and crying babies and loud rain pouring outside with dark grey skies).
The most important thing I’ve learned so far since living in my village is that every day is so unpredictable. Especially now, during Community Entry. (CE is basically the first 3 months after being sworn in as a volunteer—aka after the 3 months of training—where you are not supposed to start any programs in your village and you are just supposed to focus on integrating into your community and learn how to live on your own and start setting foundations for the work you will be doing when CE is over). This day, all I had planned was going to the clinic at 9:00 and 14:00. I did those things, but the things I hadn’t planned for were even better. I met the new nurse who will be at the boarding school nearby (not Margaret, another woman). She’s also young and was very kind and welcoming. I got to chat with a few of the SMAG members after the 9:00 meeting was over. I went home to check on my puppy, who luckily hadn’t chewed up my belongings at home. I had lunch with my host mom and siblings (this is the second time this has happened since moving here and it was such a treat). I had my first mushroom in Zambia and it was sooo delicious. I didn’t have to make lunch or wash dishes thanks to her. I had extra time so I was able to play with the kids. I taught them how to hoola hoop and my host sister nailed it. The rest have some work to do!!
the kids would much rather have a photoshoot with the hoola hoop than actually play with it lol
I played cards with them in my insaka (outdoor cooking shelter– I don’t actually use it for cooking anymore though). I taught them how to play Egyptian Rat Slap and they loved it! It was pretty simple to teach even with the language barrier. They started just slapping every card and cheating by the end of it, but thats what all kids do. I felt like I was babysitting but in the best way. Then I brought my puppy with me to the clinic for the afternoon family planning meeting. I put him in my purse on my bike handles and everyone I passed laughed so so hard at the site. I met a lot of women from all over our catchment area at the meeting.
I’m really glad I wrote in my journal during that meeting. It helped me see that sometimes I get in a negative headspace, and then shortly after I stop and realize how grateful I am to be here. That pretty much sums up most of my days. I might get in a little bit of a funk, but then a small thing happens and I snap back into reality and count my blessings. All of the things that were on my mind while I was writing in my journal (my bike getting wet in the rain, losing my helmet, having to push off the movie, etc) were mostly a reflection of my negative thinking. Like I said before, my environment really affect my mood. I think being in that dark room with screaming babies made me feel alone and confused and slightly annoyed. I’m trying to be more in control of my feelings, but it’s good to acknowledge them, good or bad. Writing them down really helps me gain some perspective.
When the rain stopped, I left the meeting. It was getting late and you never know when it’ll start up again. My bike and helmet were just where I left them, standing upright against the tree. My helmet was a little wet, but definitely not soaked. It felt kinda good on my head. Cooled me down after being in a stuffy room with a lot of people. The women definitely got a kick out of my puppy on my lap, but they don’t think I’m crazy. They all said goodbye to me when I left and even remembered my name. Mango didn’t pee on me (proud of you little guy!!).
I biked home and it started raining again. The path definitely wasn’t sandy anymore, but parts of it were pretty flooded, so I got off my bike and walked some of the way. I passed by a woman who was going the opposite direction and also walking her bike. We both laughed at each other at our soaked clothes from the rain and said “mwende bwino” (travel well) and had a smile on our face. Mango was protected from the rain in my purse with a citenge keeping him warm.
I got home around 17:30. Even though it was raining, a few kids still came to my house to watch a movie. I popped some popcorn, put my mexican blanket from home down on my front porch, and set up my laptop on a chair. The rain was loud on my tin roof, but we could still hear the movie well enough. We curled up and watched Lilo and Stitch until their parents came yelling for them to go home and eat dinner.
I was too tired to wait for a lot of water to boil to have a full bucket bath, but I boiled enough to soak my feet in hot water for about 5 minutes and unwind. I decided I would just bathe the next morning. Margaret texted me to see if I got home safely. I didn’t make soup or garlic tortillas or garlic fries, but I made a cheese sauce out of a Kraft Mac n Cheese cheese packet that my mom sent me in a care package, and dipped some of the leftover popcorn in it. I had a spoonful of peanut butter for some protein. I wasn’t that hungry so that was my dinner. I cuddled up with my puppy in bed, turned on New Girl, and fell asleep.
Now it is 9:15 on Saturday the 11th. The sun is now brighter outside. The rain has stopped. My candles have burned down about an inch. I feel more awake after my coffee. I need to drink some water. My legs are sore from gardening yesterday and biking for 2 hours the day before. My music is still shuffling and Dave Matthews Band is now on. Their music reminds me of road trips with my mom when I was growing up. Somehow, the kids still haven’t come to my house. They have been coming at 7:00 the past two days. Maybe after me running outside to yell at them they are starting to learn that I like my alone time in the morning. I’m trying to find the balance between the cool babysitter with games and toys and setting boundaries like not yelling my name outside while I’m resting. I need to wash my dishes. Maybe I’ll make some pancakes and another cup of coffee. I met some kids yesterday in a different zone and they told me they want to learn English, so I told them they could come by my house. I recently painted with chalkboard paint on the side of my house so I can try to teach people English, at least the basics. I hope they come by.
this is from last weekend right after the paint dried. these are just some of the kids that come by my house everyday. i’m looking forward to starting some literacy clubs for kids and adults in my community once CE is over!
I have a meeting at the clinic with a youth group at 15:00, but besides that, I have no other set in stone plans.
I write when I feel like it. I don’t write in chronological order, and I rarely make edits to what I previously wrote. It’s very impulsive and some might even say chaotic. It reflects my stream of consciousness. Most of the time, my thoughts are way too fast for me to type them all out, and that frustrates me to no end. I also have a pretty bad memory, so I tend to forget a lot of my immediate thoughts if I don’t write them down right then and there.
Right now, I’m sitting on a bus from Mansa to Lusaka, a 10-11 hour bus ride that I’m sure I will make many many times during my service, and I’m resting. I slept maybe 3 or 4 hours last night, convincing myself, yet again, that it’s better to be tired than rested when you’re about to sit on a bus for that long. I still agree with this mindset because I would drive myself crazy if I was wide awake for this long and unable to move very much. But in practice, I find that I’m never able to sleep well on transportation like this. The bus ride is bumpy, people are loud, there is Christian Rock music blasting on the speakers, the driver honks his horn often, etc etc etc. Maybe I’ll squeeze in a 30 minute to 1 hour nap here and there, but it’s rarely for longer than that. That being said, I’m probably going to keep using this method lol. It was worth it to stay up, drink wine, and play cards against humanity with my friends last night.
In this moment, I woke up from my short nap and felt the urge to write.
I think I’m a very dynamic person, but some may view me as being passive. I’m good at taking a step back and letting others talk, and only interjecting in a conversation when I feel like it adds something. I really try to not talk over people, but sometimes I do because I want my thought to get out there before the conversation transforms into something else, which often happens very quickly in big groups. I tend to generally speak when asked to or when I feel like I can slip in a joke or some insight or whatnot.
That’s what I find so great about starting this blog. I wasn’t sure what exactly it would turn into when I started it. I thought it could just be a recap of my time in the Peace Corps and not have too much creativity involved. It has started to evolve more into an analysis of my feelings rather than a summary of events. I’m able to share my take on things, even if I don’t always share them verbally. This is a good PSA about introverts (I call myself an extroverted introvert but my Myers Brig results say I’m purely extroverted…) or just people who are not as vocal as others: they still have thoughts and opinions too!! Most people are not bland slices of white bread. You just have to get to know them better to see that they’re really a delicious crispy piece of garlic bread on the inside 😉
I’m a very passionate person about things that may seem silly to others. Some I share, others I don’t. There’s no rhyme or reason for it. It just depends on if it has come up in conversation before or not. Here are some that come to mind:
The sound of children giggling will forever give me butterflies in my tummy. Children crying, however…
There are a lot of words that send chills down my spine. “Damp” and “chunks” are some of them.
I’m so curious about using nature as a tool. I want to learn how to tell time by looking at the sun. So many people in the world do this, since they do not have watches or clocks. I’d also love to learn more about constellations and stars so I can point them out as a cool party trick.
I am frustrated that I do not know how to play a musical instrument. I’d like to learn someday, but I think that day will have to wait.
With that, I wish I wouldn’t get so nervous to sing in front of people. I really enjoy to sing, especially in the morning.
On top of that… I think there is so much magic in music. Music (and food) connect people so quickly and it’s such a great exchange of culture. One of the best times in Peace Corps so far was having a spontaneous dance party at 9pm with a ton of children to Zambian music. :’)
There are few things that make my body feel better than drinking ice cold water while laying outside in the sun in a bathing suit, then taking a cold shower right after I start sweating, and then taking a nap with no alarm clock to wake me up. That’s my definition of a perfect summer afternoon.
I loooove making lists but I’m bad at updating them. I can’t tell you how many incomplete notes I have in my phone and notebooks about “projects I want to explore during my service.” There will be maybe 4-5 examples on one page in my notebook, then a few more additions in my phone, then even more additions in my notebook, but not on the original page—I’ll start over on a fresh page. I think my organizational skills could use some enhancing, but I also think I thrive in chaos and really prefer just writing things down in the moment rather than obsessing over format and organization. However, it is frustrating when I can’t find the second half of my list and have to flip through my notebook many times to find it. Let’s see if I change my habits!
I love that “write” and “right” are homonyms (is that the right word?).
1. It is soooo right to write. Writing helps keep a record of thoughts and stories and histories. (However, some cultures heavily rely on word of mouth, which is honestly so impressive)
2. It is incredible that I have the right to write my feelings and opinions. Not only freedom of speech, but also the ability to write. So many people in the world do not know how to read or write, but I was fortunate enough to live in a place and time where I was able to go to school and learn these skills. I’m also fortunate enough to have the mental ability to perform this skill. (Take some time to check your privilege for tasks that you think are simple and mundane like reading and writing!)
3. I was about to say “it is important to write the right things,” but I don’t like the way that sounds. For the sake of using the homonym, it is fine. What I meant to say is “it is important to write factual things” (aka no fake news or spreading lies). What I don’t mean to say is “you should only write the correct thing/answer/solution/thought.” You should make mistakes and take time to find an answer that fits your situation. Writing can help with that. It can help organize what’s going on in that jumbled brain of yours and visually sort through it on paper/screen, rather than trying to sort through it mentally.
Even if you think you’re not good at writing, try jotting down a few of your thoughts every once in a while. It’s cool to look back and see how past you viewed things. It doesn’t have to be formatted well. You could spell everything wrong and have incorrect grammar. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but you. You don’t have to publish your thoughts if you don’t want to. Your thoughts are yours and they are valid and they are important.
I’m really happy with where this blog is going, and I’m excited to see how it keeps evolving.
Last night, while my Ba maayo was praying before we began eating our dinner, I started tearing up. Most nights when she prays, my mind is on other things. I can’t understand 90% of what she’s saying, so I tend to tune it out and think about whatever’s on my mind. I’m also not religious, so I’m not used to praying before eating or being around people who do. But last night, I really listened to what she had to say, even if I couldn’t translate it perfectly, and it made me feel overwhelming grateful.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how strange it is that things feel so normal already. I wasn’t expecting to feel normalcy for a very long time. I mean, there are so many aspects of my life that are objectively so different now. Living in a new place/country/continent, living on my own, speaking a new language, spending time with new friends, eating new foods, eating with my hands, not cooking for myself, bathing outside, pooping in a hole, burning my trash, biking as my main form of transportation, waking up at 6am everyday, walking to get my water, then boiling, treating, and filtering that water, having 9 new siblings and 2 new parents, not being able to openly talk about the LGBTQ+ community, going to church instead of boozy brunch on Sundays, falling asleep to the sound of camel spiders scurrying around my room…
But these differences are mostly superficial. What I’ve come to realize in the past ~6 weeks is that the things that are different don’t really make a difference to me or my happiness. They’re not deal breakers. Actually, some of the new changes are very much welcomed. If you’ve never tried showering outside, underneath a palm tree, during sunset, listening to “clean” by Taylor Swift… I would highly recommend you try it out!
So yes, things are different, but I am still me. I’m still enjoying things that I enjoyed before: companionship, laughter, learning, reflection, eating, cooking, and making memories.
While I think the normalcy is a little strange, I also think it’s so beautiful. I really made it a point to embrace change and open my mind and heart to really get the most out of this experience. But what I didn’t expect was so much love and laughter from people who were strangers less than 6 weeks ago. I didn’t expect strangers to call me “their 10th daughter”, to graciously cook all of my meals for me, to share tips on how to hitchhike and guilt the driver into lowering the price, to teach me a new language and be so patient every time I mix up “to study” and “to bathe” (ukusambililia vs ukusamba), to kill spiders for me, and to let me into their home so that I can experience their family memories with them. I got to see my bandume Isaac take his first steps. I also got to hold him when he had a dirty diaper, which leaked onto my white blouse.. besides the point. I get to chop vegetables with my bankashi Eunice and hear about her love of math and economics, and how she wants to go to university and move to America someday. I get to go to their church and experience such a strong sense of community, along with beautiful songs and dancing.
I am so privileged to be here, at this time, with these people.
On a similar but different note, I also have so much privilege to be here. I hope you know the difference.
If you don’t, here is the dictionary definition of privilege:
a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor : PREROGATIVE
especially : such a right or immunity attached specifically to a position or an office
Webster’s Dictionary
Here is my definition: being born into a social status that can either give you certain powers and advantages in society, or can disadvantage you, and you had absolutely no control over it.
I experience a great amount of privilege back home in Los Angeles, but even more here in Chongwe. I am white. I am educated. I am able bodied. I am financially stable enough to be able to drop everything, volunteer for 2 years, travel when I please, and be okay when I return in 2021. I am from America… the list goes on and on, but these are the things that are most apparent as of now.
When I speak, people listen to me, most likely because they have a certain opinion about white Americans. Some may think that I have the ability to make a more impactful change that others, simply because of my appearance, heritage, and where I was born. Even in this very male dominated society, in which woman do not receive the same respect that they do in The States, I will still receive a great deal of respect here, because I’m an American.
These are things I think about often. When I was 18, in my first quarter at UCLA, I took a Sex and Gender class. We learned a great deal about intersectionality, and I’ve really tried to focus on that concept since then.
Again, here is the dictionary definition of intersectionality:
the complex, cumulative way in which the effects of multiple forms of discrimination (such as racism, sexism, and classism) combine, overlap, or intersect especially in the experiences of marginalized individuals or groups.
Webster’s Dictionary
Here is my definition: the intersection of multiple aspects of ones personality, including visible and non visible aspects, that affect how they operate in society and how other’s treat them.
Our identity is so much more than just our name, job, and where we came from, even though those are the only things I can say about myself in the local language here. We have our age, race, nationality, sexuality, education-level, occupation, religion, language, sex, gender, income, physical ability, geographic location, family status, immigration status, heritage, etc etc etc. “Ishina lyandi nine Arielle. Ndi mwina America. Ine ndi kaipeela mu Peace Corps ndesambililia mu ci Bemba na nkalasambilisha ubumi busuma” just doesn’t cut it.
But the thing is, I don’t have to explain it. People know and expect something from me before I even say anything. I am white, so therefore many see me as being rich and educated.
I’m really going on a tangent here, but it’s my blog and this is what I feel like talking about. I don’t have an exact agenda with this conversation, but I feel like it’s worth sharing. My privilege is going to deeply impact my service whether I like it or not. What I can do is use my privilege to talk about matters that are important to people in my future village who don’t have the power to talk about those matters themselves. I can use my privilege to educate those who do not have the opportunity to access education elsewhere. I can use my privilege for good, and I need to do that. You should too.
Topics like privilege and status and race can be uncomfortable topics to think or talk about. But they exist. We can’t just pretend we don’t see these things because it makes us uncomfortable. We need to learn and share and grow and be an ally.
I think it’s time I get off my soap box, but I hope the words I’ve said have some meaning. If anything, I hope you’ve stopped and realized that so many people in the world do not even have the ability to read/write a blog post.
So with that, I’m going to count my blessings every day. I’m currently sitting under a mango tree in the shade on this beautiful Saturday, listening to “Electric Love” by BØRNS, about to go into Chongwe to get my citenge tailored into a jumpsuit and then grab a beer with friends. I’m grateful for today.
update: this is how the citenge outfit turned out! decided to go for a top and bottom set instead of a jumpsuit so it’s more wearable
Before I begin I think it’s important to point out that I spelled “nutshell” as “nutzhell” at first and I think that shows my brain capacity right now 😅
PST = pre service training (Peace Corps loves acronyms)
Monday – Friday :
Wake up at 4 am from the chickens
Go back to sleep
Actually get up around 6 am (sometimes 6:30)
Go to my icimbusu (outdoor toilet)
Boil water
Wash face with boiled water
Brush teeth outside
Change
Eat breakfast with host sister (I’m going to drop the host from now on — don’t get offended Naomi, mom, or dad!)
Help with dishes
Leave solar panels outside my hut to charge my lights
Bike to the training center at 7:30
Wipe off sweat
Lessons from 8 – 12 with a “tea time” break
Lunch (packed by Ba Maayo)
Lessons from 13 – 17 with another tea time
Fill up water bottle with the cold water and use the toilet with running water at the training center
Bike home (arrive around 17:30)
Wipe off sweat
Boil water
Shower
Wash undergarments in the shower
Change
Chat and help cook with sisters and brothers before dinner in the insaka (outdoor kitchen)
Watch my brother carry chickens outside by the legs to do something that I don’t want to think about
Eat dinner with my Ba maayo, Ba Taata, and little brother (1 years old)
Watch the news and review the new vocab I learned in Bemba with my family
Go to my room around 19:30
Change into comfy clothes
Study what I learned that day (language and technical info)
Call someone on the phone / browse social media / write in my blog
Fall asleep around 22:30
On Saturday: language class from 8 – 12. Then just spending time with family and relaxing. This Saturday I went to my sisters net ball (basically basketball) practice
On Sunday: church in the morning, then chores, playing games, and relaxing
Ever since I was little, I‘ve been questioned or teased for my middle name. People generally think I either made it up or my parents are hippies lol.
Fullilove is a family name with English origin. I am so grateful my parents gave it to me. I share it with my grandpa, William Fullilove, also known as Bwana Bill, who was and still is my greatest inspiration, even after he passed away.
My grandfather was a very tall (6’ 3” ish), handsome man with piercing blue eyes and an incredible amount of charm and style. He always was getting attention from beautiful women and made friends all over the globe. He taught me how to drive a tractor when I was 7 years old, and taught me how to drive a car at 12. I spent so many of my summers at “Camp Bwana Bill” at his home in a small town in Texas, just the two of us. I get the honor of not only sharing genetics with him (even though the Punnett square screwed me on the blue eyes and height), but also sharing a name with him. He called me his “Fullilove girl”.
William Fullilove Gibson was an incredible man, from a completely unbiased perspective. His career involved performing agricultural work for developing countries across the globe. One of those countries was Ghana. He made great advances in irrigation there, and was later referred to as “the man who brought water” to the village he was working in, Navrongo. While he was there (late 1950s – early 1960s), my mom was born. Ghana holds a special place in my heart, and I hope I can visit while I’m in service for the next two years. Someone who I had always just known as grandpa was looked up to by so many people around the globe. And I get to share his name!!
Some Peace Corps history: The first group of Peace Corps Volunteers went to Ghana in 1961. President John F Kennedy started the Peace Corps to promote world peace and friendship by fulfilling three goals:
To help the people of interested countries in meeting their need for trained men and women.
To help promote a better understanding of Americans on the part of the peoples served.
To help promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of Americans.
I think Papa Bill would’ve made a great PCV, considering he definitely checked off all these goals.
My grandfather was ending his work in Ghana around this time that the first group came, and encountered a few of the volunteers. In other places he worked, Peace Corps followed. He respected these young volunteers so much and loved the work they were doing. He told me stories of them and some info about the program when I was in middle school. Between this, already having a passion for service and volunteering, and hearing about my friends traveling to do mission work, something sparked a lightbulb in my head. Albeit, it was probably a dim lightbulb. After all, I was too busy focusing on Twilight and Jersey Shore.
Once I got more into my STEM subjects, and later developed an interest in working with people and pursuing a career in health care, the Peace Corps made more and more sense to me. I researched it on my own in high school and went to an information session on it when I was in college. It just clicked. Thanks for sparking that interest from such a young age, Papa Bill.
My grandpa and his family moved to a lot of different countries every couple of years while he was working. My mom grew up all over the world because of it, and didn’t move to the States till she was 18. She stayed put ever since then. Because of this, I grew up my entire life in the same house that I was brought home from the hospital from. Maybe that’s part of the reason I have such wanderlust and was so ready to stretch my wings a little and shake things up. A little might be an understatement. I guess I could’ve just moved to a new state, not a new continent.
My grandpa wrote two books later in his life reflecting on his stories, one specifically about his time in Navrongo, Ghana. I brought these two books with me, and I cannot wait to reread them now. When I was ~10 years old, the books didn’t mean a whole lot to me. They weren’t fiction or a rom com, and my grandpa was still alive, so I heard a lot of his stories in person anyways. It’s been about 7 or so years since he’s passed away, and now I’m living in the continent that he loved so dearly, volunteering for the program that he told me about ~ 10 years ago, plus I’ll have quite a bit of quiet alone time at night… so I just have a slight hunch that I’m gonna cherish these books now more than ever. Plus, he made this copy out to me specifically, his Fullilove girl, and the book has his full name on the cover. That’s pretty special.
I know I’m making my grandpa so proud right now. He knew I could do it, so I need to remind myself that when I have a hard day. I’m so glad his Fullilove girl is following her dream. It makes all the sacrifices worth it. Love you Papa Bill. Thank you for everything.
Fulliloving Zambia 