I haven’t written in my blog for a while. I have been keeping track of my thoughts and experiences via a private, handwritten journal, pictures, videos, and just checking in with myself for 5 minutes before falling asleep most nights. I will probably write a blog post to catch you up on what I’ve been up to soon, but I realized that I’ve been putting off writing for so long because I just simply do not enjoy writing summaries. I’d rather write about experiences, feelings, and more abstract topics than simply telling you I did this, then this, then this… It’s just not exciting to me. But I’ve been keeping track of some topics I want to touch on in my phone’s “notes” app, so expect some more consistent blogs (hopefully) in the weeks and months to come.

Currently, I am sitting in my bed. It is 8:25 am. I’m shuffling through my “Mellow Morning Music” playlist on Spotify. Hozier is playing right now. My phone is in the other room, so I’m not tempted to look at it. (After I wrote this post, I took it out to take some pics of my surroundings so you could see what I’m talking about. And I needed it to use as a hotspot to upload this!) I hear it ding from notifications and I ignore them. I’m drinking coffee that I made with my french press. It’s a light roast, and I added powdered creamer and sugar. Candles and the morning light are the only things lighting up my room, and it’s just dimly lit. Just enough for me to read my notebook. My laptop brightness is turned way down. It’s on the 3rd lowest setting out of 16 notches. It’s too early to turn on my solar lights. They’re too bright and white for my mood right now. How funny is that… My mood is so greatly affected by my surroundings, so I try to make my environment a pleasant space. The color that candles give off is just so calming. They are illuminating the pictures that I put on my wall a few days ago. It’s just barely raining outside. Birds are chirping. I have some lavender incense burning. My puppy is snoring. There are no children screaming my name outside just yet. No “Ba Arielle, I’m hungry! Ba Arielle, peleniko puzzles!” (give me puzzles). I am at peace right now. This is me time. I like Saturdays. 

I’ve been living in my permanent village for about 2 months now. I live in my own house. Never did I ever think I would be living in my own house at the age of 22… It’s tiny, but I’m tiny, and it’s just enough space for me (and my tiny puppy). I have had him for 6 days now. He’s about 6 weeks old. I named him Mango because I got him during mango season and he loves to eat mangoes. He’s my little man(go) hehe. I like to call him “umwana wandi” (my baby) and people think it is hysterical. But after two months of settling in and figuring out how to take care of myself in the village, I was ready to take care of something else. I forgive him for pooping in my house and biting my hair in the morning (he’s teething like crazy). In return he gives me cuddles and love and companionship. Thanks buddy 🙂

Three days ago, I had quite the interesting moment, and I wrote it down in my notebook. This moment made me want to write in my blog again.  

It was a complete stream of consciousness. I just wrote and wrote. Hardly picked up my pen. Definitely didn’t look over the line I had just written before writing the next. There are probably grammatical errors and whatnot, but I thought it was a nice glimpse into a small aspect of my new life here and my thoughts. 

Journal Wednesday 08/01/20:

“Sitting at the clinic during a family planning meeting. There are 13 women. 6 babies. 2 nurses. 1 EHT (environmental health technician). 1 SMAG (Safe Motherhood Action Group) member. Me, a PCV, and my puppy, Mango. It is pouring rain. An absolute storm. Thunder and lightning. No electricity in this room, so we are sitting in darkness. The babies are crying. We’ve been inside for an hour and there’s no sign of the rain ending anytime soon. My puppy is deep asleep on my lap. He is making me sweat from his body heat, but he’s so comforting. If he wasn’t here, I’d be pretty bored. It’s 16:08, dark, rainy, and my eyes are struggling to stay open. I have a few Everyone around me is speaking Bemba and it’s so easy to tune out since I don’t understand 90% of it. 

I have a few things on my mind. 

1. My bike is outside under a tree. It’s probably been knocked to the ground by the wind. I wonder where my helmet has blown away to. It’s probably soaked. 

2. These women probably think I am crazy for having this puppy on my lap. He is my child, but I’m surrounded by literal mothers lol. 

3. I’m just waiting for my puppy to pee on me. It’s been a while since he’s gone.

4. I told the kids we could watch a movie tonight, but I just simply don’t know when I’m going to get home because of the rain. I feel like we might have to push this off until tomorrow. 

5. I want a HOT bucket bath tonight. Maybe some soup. Would love garlic bread but that’s just not going to happen. I could make a garlic tortilla lol. Or garlic fries…

The sky is grey. The rain sounds like someone is dumping millions of nails on the roof. Babies are crying and I don’t understand what people are saying.

But I am HAPPY. While this sounds chaotic, it’s such beautiful chaos. I am teaching all these women about my weird American culture by having Mango on my lap. Babies come up and smile at me and him. I am surrounded by women who have walked up to 13 km to come to the clinic to receive birth control aka take control of their sexual health and family plans. People know my name. While I may be stuck here because of the rain, I don’t have anything else to do. Now I am forced to sit with my thoughts. 

I am so grateful for this rain. It means my communities’ crops will grow and they will be able to feed their families and sell the remainders to make their income. The sandy path to my home from the clinic will be packed down, giving me and many others a smoother ride. Those who are home can leave their buckets outside so they do not need to travel to get water from the borehole.

The rain is a blessing.

This life is a blessing.”

Just after I stopped writing, my friend Margaret, who is one of the two nurses at the clinic (soon to be the only one), came over and sat next to me. She wanted to hold Mango. Margaret is my age and from a very urban part of Zambia known as the Copperbelt. Her views and thoughts are pretty similar to mine and quite different from a lot of Zambians who live in the village. I’m so glad I’ve befriended her. It’s nice to have someone who can relate to me in so many ways in the village. We’re both 22, just finished school, just started our first real job (she got here in September, I got here in November), and moved away from our friends and family in a big city to live in a village. How cool is that!

We chatted and shared things about our personal lives. There’s a lot we don’t know about each other yet. For a second, it felt like I was talking to an old friend, sitting on a couch in a cute coffee shop in cozy clothes. But then I looked around and remembered where I was (sitting on a hard bench in a dark room at a clinic wearing business casual clothing surrounded by mothers and crying babies and loud rain pouring outside with dark grey skies).

The most important thing I’ve learned so far since living in my village is that every day is so unpredictable. Especially now, during Community Entry. (CE is basically the first 3 months after being sworn in as a volunteer—aka after the 3 months of training—where you are not supposed to start any programs in your village and you are just supposed to focus on integrating into your community and learn how to live on your own and start setting foundations for the work you will be doing when CE is over). This day, all I had planned was going to the clinic at 9:00 and 14:00. I did those things, but the things I hadn’t planned for were even better. I met the new nurse who will be at the boarding school nearby (not Margaret, another woman). She’s also young and was very kind and welcoming. I got to chat with a few of the SMAG members after the 9:00 meeting was over. I went home to check on my puppy, who luckily hadn’t chewed up my belongings at home. I had lunch with my host mom and siblings (this is the second time this has happened since moving here and it was such a treat). I had my first mushroom in Zambia and it was sooo delicious. I didn’t have to make lunch or wash dishes thanks to her. I had extra time so I was able to play with the kids. I taught them how to hoola hoop and my host sister nailed it. The rest have some work to do!! 

I played cards with them in my insaka (outdoor cooking shelter– I don’t actually use it for cooking anymore though). I taught them how to play Egyptian Rat Slap and they loved it! It was pretty simple to teach even with the language barrier. They started just slapping every card and cheating by the end of it, but thats what all kids do. I felt like I was babysitting but in the best way. Then I brought my puppy with me to the clinic for the afternoon family planning meeting. I put him in my purse on my bike handles and everyone I passed laughed so so hard at the site. I met a lot of women from all over our catchment area at the meeting. 

I’m really glad I wrote in my journal during that meeting. It helped me see that sometimes I get in a negative headspace, and then shortly after I stop and realize how grateful I am to be here. That pretty much sums up most of my days. I might get in a little bit of a funk, but then a small thing happens and I snap back into reality and count my blessings. All of the things that were on my mind while I was writing in my journal (my bike getting wet in the rain, losing my helmet, having to push off the movie, etc) were mostly a reflection of my negative thinking. Like I said before, my environment really affect my mood. I think being in that dark room with screaming babies made me feel alone and confused and slightly annoyed. I’m trying to be more in control of my feelings, but it’s good to acknowledge them, good or bad. Writing them down really helps me gain some perspective. 

When the rain stopped, I left the meeting. It was getting late and you never know when it’ll start up again. My bike and helmet were just where I left them, standing upright against the tree. My helmet was a little wet, but definitely not soaked. It felt kinda good on my head. Cooled me down after being in a stuffy room with a lot of people. The women definitely got a kick out of my puppy on my lap, but they don’t think I’m crazy. They all said goodbye to me when I left and even remembered my name. Mango didn’t pee on me (proud of you little guy!!).

I biked home and it started raining again. The path definitely wasn’t sandy anymore, but parts of it were pretty flooded, so I got off my bike and walked some of the way. I passed by a woman who was going the opposite direction and also walking her bike. We both laughed at each other at our soaked clothes from the rain and said “mwende bwino” (travel well) and had a smile on our face. Mango was protected from the rain in my purse with a citenge keeping him warm.

I got home around 17:30. Even though it was raining, a few kids still came to my house to watch a movie. I popped some popcorn, put my mexican blanket from home down on my front porch, and set up my laptop on a chair. The rain was loud on my tin roof, but we could still hear the movie well enough. We curled up and watched Lilo and Stitch until their parents came yelling for them to go home and eat dinner. 

I was too tired to wait for a lot of water to boil to have a full bucket bath, but I boiled enough to soak my feet in hot water for about 5 minutes and unwind. I decided I would just bathe the next morning. Margaret texted me to see if I got home safely. I didn’t make soup or garlic tortillas or garlic fries, but I made a cheese sauce out of a Kraft Mac n Cheese cheese packet that my mom sent me in a care package, and dipped some of the leftover popcorn in it. I had a spoonful of peanut butter for some protein. I wasn’t that hungry so that was my dinner. I cuddled up with my puppy in bed, turned on New Girl, and fell asleep. 

Now it is 9:15 on Saturday the 11th. The sun is now brighter outside. The rain has stopped. My candles have burned down about an inch. I feel more awake after my coffee. I need to drink some water. My legs are sore from gardening yesterday and biking for 2 hours the day before. My music is still shuffling and Dave Matthews Band is now on. Their music reminds me of road trips with my mom when I was growing up. Somehow, the kids still haven’t come to my house. They have been coming at 7:00 the past two days. Maybe after me running outside to yell at them they are starting to learn that I like my alone time in the morning. I’m trying to find the balance between the cool babysitter with games and toys and setting boundaries like not yelling my name outside while I’m resting. I need to wash my dishes. Maybe I’ll make some pancakes and another cup of coffee. I met some kids yesterday in a different zone and they told me they want to learn English, so I told them they could come by my house. I recently painted with chalkboard paint on the side of my house so I can try to teach people English, at least the basics. I hope they come by.

I have a meeting at the clinic with a youth group at 15:00, but besides that, I have no other set in stone plans. 

I’m excited to see where today takes me.

Tukamonana (will we see each other another day).